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 umaeril |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 36509 (03/06/06 19:08:39) «(1ik35 1uN4Ri5' Pi3)» |
Names don't mean much here, real or assumed. I mean we don't know the people, or where you are, or who they are. It does not matter much.
I love my D&D miniature, but I didn't paint it, someone did it for me. I have heard of Warhammer, but not much.
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Scorpionac |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 748 (03/09/06 17:05:54) TML |
Well...Kelly has been avoiding me. I'm getting over her, though. She thinks when I asked her why we haven't talked lately that I was saying "Please talk to me once in a while", but I wanted to know exactly what I asked: why she was avoiding me. Yesterday there was a presentation in the theatre and the only seat left in the row I had to sit in was next to her, so I sat there, and tried to make conversation before the thing started twice, but she just ignored me. She sat leaning on the arm on the other side of her the entire time and when she could kept her body slanted away from me. She never moved her hair from the side of her face and every time I leaned forwards to see her better she just turned her head. Eventually she started to sit with her back to me, literally. Which was a little rude. And she kept trying to talk to the people on her other side who were ignoring her almost completely when I would've gladly made small talk. I just sat there and cried the entire time, but I wasn't making any noise so no one noticed. Afterwards I went to the bathroom and took my shirt and tried to choke myself, but it didn't work. I snapped out of it. Today in Home Economics she ignored me entirely whenever I said anything to her that doesn't really require a response, and when she had to write out the recipe for what we were making she took her books and things and went to the kitchen and stood there to write the recipe down, instead of sitting where everyone else's stuff was, just so she wouldn't have to talk to me when I went to write the recipe too. When she finished copying down the recipe she just re-copyed one from last week so she would look busy, and just answered in monosyllables whenever I tried to talk to her, but yakked up a storm about nothing to this other guy. I asked her (again) if she thought I was annoying and she said no. When she saw me in Phys Ed she pretty much just told her friends "C'mon" and then ran over to another guy to talk to him. When we were dismissed from school she got out of the classroom really quickly and grabbed her crap and then went and got her coat and stuff packed up in some corner where she normally doesn't do that, then went and hid in the girl's washroom for ten minutes so I wouldn't ask to walk with her, but I just stood outside the school and waited for her. I told her that I have seen guys follow girls around and annoy them tons and that I didn't want to be that kind of guy to her, and that if she finds me annoying, to tell me that. She wasn't really listening though, and even went to the trouble of yelling at some other guy, "Hey Cory!" while I was talking. I know she's not worth my time. But I was having a really bad time of it in life when she tried to make friends with me, and I was glad that someone did. I was finally a little happy again, and now she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I felt like she was my best friend, and she was the reason I managed to get through the day sometimes. I guess someone who has a million subtle ways to make you feel good about yourself probably has a million subtle ways to make you feel bad, too. Being subtle is frustrating, even when it's positive. But when it works it feels good, and it's worth it. But cutting off friendship subtley is frustrating too, and when you are trying to be kind (read: dishonest) in your actions, even if it works, you aren't going to go home saying, "Wow, I had a good day. Boy did that guy look miserable. I'm on cloud number nine." It's not worth it, and it's exhausting. I do care about her, but if she's going to be mean to me, why should I? i don't want to start thinking negatively of her, and hoping she gets sick and tired of being "polite", but that's what she gets for being dishonest. If she would just tell me what she is thinking I could cope with it. It might be a misunderstanding that's holding her back all of a sudden. Or some flaw in me that has really been getting to her. I don't want to change for her, but I would like to know for sure "We're friends" or "We're not friends". From her, in complete honesty. Or she could have just suddenly fallen out of love, and not really known why. Maybe I just lost my charm for some reason. That'd be fine by me, I can relate. I've really liked girls before and then one day I just wake up and I don't care anymore. I can understand that. But instead I have to cope with imaginary crap. And when I do finally lay off for good, she'll be left with a bunch of false relationships that she doesn't really enjoy or appreciate that she made when she was trying to look preoccupied. She'll become annoyed and exhausted and frustrated and resent me, but it'll be her own fault. And she'll know that.
They're starving back in China, boy, that's what they always said Can't get your head in the head shop, your jeans are fulla crap You're full of beans, you're in your teens, you lost your momma's road map! Chibi's Board The Gates of Horn and Ivory |
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Kirby89 |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 183 (03/10/06 17:31:12) I should care? |
Maybe there's something you don't know about that's going on in her life. I don't know why she keeps ignoring you. I don't think she has a right to be so rude like that.
But...DON'T EVER TRY TO CHOKE YOURSELF AGAIN!  Thanks for the "Kirby Crest," Scorp! ["WHAT ARE j000000000 THINKING OF???l?!!1!"x_x] |
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Scorpionac |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 748 (03/10/06 17:48:21) TML |
Okay. Sorry. You'd be unemployed without me. =P
Okay, I guess I shouldn't joke. But I have already promised lots of people that I'm not going to hurt myself again. So "go me"! They're starving back in China, boy, that's what they always said Can't get your head in the head shop, your jeans are fulla crap You're full of beans, you're in your teens, you lost your momma's road map! Chibi's Board The Gates of Horn and Ivory |
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Kirby89 |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 183 (03/11/06 02:28:03) I should care? |
Sorry for yelling at you boss. ;_; I hope you know that hurting yourself will make it worse. Please don't do it. Try to be optomistic. ^_^
Thanks for the "Kirby Crest," Scorp! ["WHAT ARE j000000000 THINKING OF???l?!!1!"x_x] |
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Scorpionac |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 748 (03/11/06 10:27:34) TML |
I'm going to. Lately I haven't read much of anything because I have only been thinking about her, but I think I'm going to bring a book to school and just go to the library at lunch and read. I can't remove myself mentally from her, but she'll find it a lot harder to avoid me during lunch if I'm not even around. If she says hi to me again to try to make it seem like things are fine I'm just going to ignore her. She is probably feeling really stupid, because she's the one who brought all this on by showing interest in me, and now she doesn't want any part in it.
They're starving back in China, boy, that's what they always said Can't get your head in the head shop, your jeans are fulla crap You're full of beans, you're in your teens, you lost your momma's road map! Chibi's Board The Gates of Horn and Ivory |
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umaeril |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 36509 (03/11/06 12:20:46) «(1ik35 1uN4Ri5' Pi3)» |
Scorp, this girl will never tell you what she is really thinking likely because it is complex and she does not know. And if she does tell you it will be the simplest thing right off the top of her head that she is thinking at that moment. Which might be, "Don't follow me around, don't talk to me". But things probably go deeper than that and you will never get at the heart of it. I am pointing out that things are deep because you too have deep and complex feelings and motivations so I am sure you can understand that she might too. It is never easy to get at the truth even in oneself.
But more, you are mostly logical and mostly straightforward. She is not and never has been from what you have written here about her. It is tough trying to figure out people from little bits of clues they give you. But you were right about her body language in the theatre. There is nothing clearer (although it still does not signify what she is really thinking or why) than her turning her back to you. What else can she do? She will not speak of it, likely cannot, so she resorts to trying to non-verbally get the message across. We know what her message is and sometimes one just has to accept that and never know the why of it, forgive her and move on. I know it was hard for you as evidenced by your emotional state, the crying, the choking. This is true loss and also a good bit of betrayal by her and that is never easy for anyone. I see the choking as you trying to punish yourself in some way because maybe you felt like a bad person or a worthless person. Obviously the voice in your head was telling you irrational things or you would not have done that (for to choke yourself is irrational). I see you as logical and after the emotion of the moment has worn of you "come to your senses". So if that happens again, you need to remember that you should examine those kind of bad thoughts and try to discover if they are sensible or not. Emotion can cloud logic. I am not saying to be Spock and have no emotion, just saying that instead of reacting instantly based on the overwhelming emotions, step back, wait a bit, re-examine, talk to people and maybe this will alter possibly self-destructive behavior. I will cut this short since I have written alot and I have to go right now. My gut instinct is that you should just ignore the girl for now. I am not saying turn your back to her, but I am saying just leave her alone. If you make eye contact, give a little smile, but don't say anything, just move on and don't talk to her. Maybe that will make her more comfortable. This is the mature thing to do, the compassionate thing, this is acting with a higher nature, a confident nature that you are doing the right thing for her and yourself.
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Citizen Swooboo |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 135 (03/11/06 12:54:42) Dives into the Sun |
Advice doesn't get any better than that. ^
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Scorpionac |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 748 (03/11/06 19:15:07) TML |
Thank you Uma. I'll do all of that. I need to think about her feelings too. I'll do the right thing. If she wants to be an arse, that's her problem, I'm not going to join her. If she wants to approach getting rid of me like a coward, she can go ahead.
What I just didn't need in my life right now is another loss. But I can deal with it. I'm just going to have put another tally on my "reasons to be depressed that aren't going to affect me" list, and another tally to my list of reasons why I'm so unemotional and uninvolved. I'm just too caught up in my emotions and thinking, and the crap in my life balances my normally happy self to 'indifferent' (which is at least better than 'angry' or 'sad'.) EDIT: Sorry about the complaining. I can see why you aren't responding to this. Your advice has helped a lot Uma. I guess maybe things weren't meant to happen between us, because, well, everything was cut short before a lot of things. She stopped talking to me before Valentine's Day, her birthday, the school dance, the next Christmas (she's not getting any gifts this year because her family is going someplace, so I thought I'd get her something), and her 15th birthday (which is when she can start dating). I had played over every day I would do something for her in my head a million times, and now, knowing that none of my plans are going to happen, well, it hurts. She dyed her hair over the weekend, too. It's a little ugly, and I'm not just saying that. It looks stupid. It's orange. Her hair used to be blonde, and I thought that was kinda nice, because there are hardly any natural blondes around, but it seems dying your hair orange/red is cool now. Whatever. At least it'll be easier to stop staring at her. EDIT #2: I was just thinking in class today, and I remembered a dream I had back in November or December or something. In it my whole class had been sitting in a room that looked like the science room at the beginning of last year, and it felt like some big reunion because everyone was there, and at the last minute, after everyone was seated, she came in, and she had red hair and really pale skin. She sat down on the other side of the room, and I remember feeling bitter towards her for some reason. I thought that she would dye her hair, because her cousin (and her best friend) had and I know some girls like to do stupid things to match their friends, and I had overheard her telling someone that she was getting her hair done. A few weeks later I noticed two really thin streaks of red in her hair. I told her they looked nice, (well, they didn't, not really) and she told me they just washed out. I was really relieved (she still liked me back then). And now, a couple months later, her whole head is...red/orange. It doesn't match her pale-ish skin at all. o_o And it's permanent, I think. Just stupid. They're starving back in China, boy, that's what they always said Can't get your head in the head shop, your jeans are fulla crap You're full of beans, you're in your teens, you lost your momma's road map! Chibi's Board The Gates of Horn and Ivory |
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umaeril |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 36509 (03/14/06 21:05:26) «(1ik35 1uN4Ri5' Pi3)» |
Don't forget that 14 and basically the teens in general are a time of experimentation. It's the time when you figure out who you are. One of the hardest ages of all I think. I remember it well. You think about yourself an awful lot (I mean teens in general think about themselves) and you try out different things. Try to find your place. Is it with this group, or that group? Should your hair be blond or red or black? Everything changes. Your whole perspective on life changes as you become less literal and more abstract in your thinking. As you stop taking things for granted. As you start to question what you have been taught and stop thinking as you have been told to think and start to think for yourself. Maybe you have had a leg up on this Scorp, I don't know. Maybe she has or maybe she has not, but this is what is going on right now.
I think that what I mean by all that is that it is hard to count on people staying the same at your age. That is why when you get to my age you look back and realize that maybe you have only retained one or two friends from that era. Why? Because the others drifted off, changed, took a different path than you were taking. Everything is fluid at age 14. This girl of your dreams is not the real girl. The real girl probably went through many changes in the past few months. Changes that took her away from you and down a different path. Internal changes that you have no idea about. it is sad that it could not have been special for you two, but it's not unexpected. Even your dream sort of spoke of this change. On some level you knew. Also, I do not mind your complaining. I didn't know that you wanted to continue the dialogue, and I am happy to keep talking to you about her, and life, and anything you want to.  Sorry for my slow replies. I was working tonight. But I am always around, sooner or later.
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Scorpionac |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 748 (03/15/06 16:43:34) TML |
I was thinking a bit over the past few days, and I was thinking about doing or saying something that symbolized myself having changed. But I guess it's best for her to look different. She's the one who changed. I didn't. The worst reason I think she could ever come up with for avoiding me is that I'm not the person she thought I was. I was nothing but nice to her (even though I said some pretty stupid things, but nothing offensive.) But she's changed. She's acting different towards me, and I haven't changed the way I act towards her (Well, I have now), but she changed first. Her changing changed me, but I don't have to let something external like that get to me.
I've never appreciated "experimentation" among teens. It's kind of hard to get used to things when everyone is cutting or dyeing their hair or wearing something weird. But that's just me. I haven't really changed my clothes since like grade three, and I've never had hair any different than what I have now. By the way, the reason I said that I think it's something I did that's making her avoid me is that I can pretty much pin a date to when she stopped talking to me. She had been talking to me lots the days before that, and I don't know what happened. I'm willing to believe that she has a problem though, and not me, even if it's not true. Not liking me is a problem right there.  You don't have to respond if you don't have anything to say, but just that someone is listening to my babbling is lots of help. You seem to be pretty busy with work lately, so I understand. Thanks. They're starving back in China, boy, that's what they always said Can't get your head in the head shop, your jeans are fulla crap You're full of beans, you're in your teens, you lost your momma's road map! Chibi's Board The Gates of Horn and Ivory |
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Crazy Dave Number 23 |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 7512 (03/15/06 17:00:45) ILOVEIT!!! |
And I read everyone's rants daily!
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Scorpionac |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 748 (03/15/06 19:10:23) TML |
Really? Lol. I couldn't ever do that.
They're starving back in China, boy, that's what they always said Can't get your head in the head shop, your jeans are fulla crap You're full of beans, you're in your teens, you lost your momma's road map! Chibi's Board The Gates of Horn and Ivory |
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umaeril |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 36509 (03/15/06 19:12:08) «(1ik35 1uN4Ri5' Pi3)» |
Ah Dave, you are wonderful!
Well Scorp, beats me what happened that made things change so suddenly. It's always nice to get explanations for the things that happen in life and for the way people act. And mostly for things we can find an explanation, but for people, well that is a lot harder to do. People are inscrutable at times. No figuring them out! Anyhow, yeah work is really tough lately. But tomorrow night I don't have to work. yay!
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Scorpionac |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 748 (03/19/06 18:28:46) TML |
Well...hi again...I am starting to read over some positive things I've written in the past and trying to remember things I didn't write down, and then writing them down. It's not like I haven't had good dreams about her, and this isn't the only dream about her that's "happened" (to whatever extent), so I'll hope the good dreams that haven't happened yet will.
I can't really ignore her if she decides to talk to me again in the future, I can't really bring myself to do that. Not even by sheer willpower. You might think I could, but if you saw what she looks like you'd reconsider If I got really stewed up about the way she's treated me lately, I could do it, but if I start to think about how kind she's been to me in the past I'd be willing to forgive her. I don't know why she's acting the way she is, but it must be pretty complex, I think. And a little confusing. (I don't know.) So I can forgive her. People do stupid things sometimes. I have to stop being so depressed and not let her control my mood. Instead of getting angry about external things I can't control, I should take hold of something I can control: how I'm feeling. I'm going to not let her affect me negatively any more. Positively, sure. She can affect me positively all she likes. =)EDIT: I had another thought. I guess to get the right answer you need to ask the right question, correct? I've asked her like three times if I'm annoying, but she keeps saying no, so stupid ol' me just assumed she was being dishonest. I guess it just might not be me that's the problem. Well, it sure feels good to think that. (But in the meantime I have no clue what the problem is, and to me she is just "being stupid"). Baby don't fight We can talk this thing through It's not a big problem It's just me and you You can call or I'll phone The TV is still on But the sound is turned down And the troops on the ground Are about to dig in And I wonder where is the love? Where is the love? Chibi's Board The Gates of Horn and Ivory |
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Xasthur Within |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 352 (03/20/06 05:37:48) Consumed by a |
I think it's good to try to be more positive and don't hurt yourself, I second that. Love can hurt, especially when the feeling isn't mutual but (lame & cliche but ok) you're still young.
Marte
 "Rawrrrr!"  <3 |
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umaeril |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 36509 (03/20/06 20:30:46) «(1ik35 1uN4Ri5' Pi3)» |
Well if she talks to you I would not ignore her. Talk back but don't get in her personal space if you know what I mean. And right, she might have meant her "no" that you were not annoying her. But if you asked me three times if I were annoyed by you by the third time I would be annoyed! Haha. But maybe she is not. So think those good thoughts and I hope they cheer you up, that is a good thing.
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Scorpionac |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 748 (03/21/06 18:55:32) TML |
Well, I had two dreams last night. In one of them, she was talking from like halfway across the math room to some guy sitting in front of me, and whenever I tried to join in the conversation, she just ignored me. He didn't, though. In the other one she had a really dark tan. She looked kinda stupid. The only reason I think I dreamed that is because some of the girls at school have gone to places like Mexico lately and gotten a tan. Not her friends, though. She's been acting a lot different lately. I'm starting to think the problem is not me at all. She's been hanging around different girls lately, and not being around her usual friends as much. I originally thought that she dyed her hair red because she's just kinda weird and the only thing that was holding her back from dyeing it for so long was me telling her numerous times before that no, I like her hair blonde, don't change a thing. But really, she usually doesn't anything that wild. She is not really dressing much the same, either. Normally in Phys Ed she didn't wear shorts, just pants that are a little too short (most of the girls who do that are just overweight or don't like showing off their bodies.) But she's wearing shorts now. She's pretty freakin' cool, huh? And I don't know what's with the really tight jeans with the pink embroidered butterflys on the butt that she's wearing, either. And another thing. I don't know about you, but where I live a lot of girls wear really tight sweaters with a zipper down the middle front over top of a t-shirt, and like to zip it up all the way till right under the boobs. Since the thing is so small it bunches up there and makes your boobs look huge, at the right angle, at least. It's really obvious that it's not their boobs, but the spirit is still there. (Lol.) I don't know why they don't just shove Kleenex into their bras.
 Anyways, she wore one of 'em things today. She's really starting to look like the other girls, I think. And acting like them. Have a really exclusive set of friends, and pay no attention to guys except the jocks. In LA, she glanced at me, noticed I had her attention just by her existing, and decided to bug the guy in front of her. She kept tapping on her desk and then accidentally touching his shoulder, or leaning forwards tons to lean her foot on his foot under the desks, or leaning forwards tons to talk to him and always being really interested in him and making "eyes" at him, and other crap like that. She really gets me angry sometimes. She never did any crap like that to me, but then again I think she actually used to like me and wasn't just trying to annoy someone. Also, she IM'd my brother and told him all about how she was IMing kids from school with some lame account called "ilovecuteguys" or something like that and telling them they were sexy and being an idiot with them. I didn't think she would be someone to do something like that, but whatever.I don't think she ever focused any sexual energy into anything much before me, so I guess she might think she is returning to her "normal self" in that aspect, or just returning to how she thinks she would have behaved if she hadn't liked me. I don't really care. But holy crap, she's changed. Baby don't fight We can talk this thing through It's not a big problem It's just me and you You can call or I'll phone The TV is still on But the sound is turned down And the troops on the ground Are about to dig in And I wonder where is the love? Where is the love? Chibi's Board The Gates of Horn and Ivory |
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CriancaBunnyears |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 6783 (03/22/06 05:49:26) Congenial Succubus |
That's really terrible, when someone changes. I hope it never gets to the point where you look at her and can't even see the person you liked so much, because that's one of the worst things that can happen. It's not even just for opposite gender, either, it happens to friends and all, and I've been watching one of my best friends turn into a fraternity boy's girlfriend who drinks and does pot and is in general a stereotypical party girl, and that hurts. It must hurt to watch someone turn into a catty, somewhat slutty (in personality and actions, though probably not actual deeds) girl. I'm sorry.
Lustbunny Scrumptious "That's no ordinary rabbit." |
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umaeril |
Re: Hi people. | |||
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Posts: 36509 (03/22/06 17:31:51) «(1ik35 1uN4Ri5' Pi3)» |
Your dream is just an anxiety kind of dream. I get those.
Well I must say you are really observing her and trying to figure her out. Good practice for later actually. But you probably won't get far. Nobody but her diary really knows what is going on. She obviously felt the need to change herself. There was something about herself she did not like and she is trying different things. It's not surprising.
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