well for some reason i feel like iam failing myself...
and i dont know why... i know i should get some sleep... and study more... if i mess up my upcoming test/tests i cant retake them.. so i should prepair myself...
and i want to be mad about moms death... and some reason or another i want to blame myself.. even if i could have been there sooner... i dont know if i could have done anything anyways.... it just seems like i want to be mad at myself for a while... a long while. i dunno why though. i want to sleep longer, and i want to sleep less. i need to sleep at least some and research stuff and all.
but i feel like iam just going to fail...
or even if i succed, i wont get to continue my schooling because of not getting grants or what not...
and iam just starting to think of all this again.
i dont know why, iam starting to think of all of this.
and i would like to help my sister with all this, as no matter how mad ive ever been at her, i dont like to see her upset now over mom.
so i dont know what or why iam thinking of all these mixed things now, at only 2:23am, and all....
iam even thinking about the papper from the fortune cookie.
the night i last saw her alive. its almost like part of me wants not to suffer.
the papper said something like: in order to let someone else in your heart, you must first let yourself in.
and that night that just looped in my head for a short.
and i dont know why.
well i guess i should goto bed and hope somehow we wont have to give up the online and phone our only way to talk to freinds and family, because someone dont want us to keep it but no names.
and i dont know why... i know i should get some sleep... and study more... if i mess up my upcoming test/tests i cant retake them.. so i should prepair myself...
and i want to be mad about moms death... and some reason or another i want to blame myself.. even if i could have been there sooner... i dont know if i could have done anything anyways.... it just seems like i want to be mad at myself for a while... a long while. i dunno why though. i want to sleep longer, and i want to sleep less. i need to sleep at least some and research stuff and all.
but i feel like iam just going to fail...
or even if i succed, i wont get to continue my schooling because of not getting grants or what not...
and iam just starting to think of all this again.
i dont know why, iam starting to think of all of this.
and i would like to help my sister with all this, as no matter how mad ive ever been at her, i dont like to see her upset now over mom.
so i dont know what or why iam thinking of all these mixed things now, at only 2:23am, and all....
iam even thinking about the papper from the fortune cookie.
the night i last saw her alive. its almost like part of me wants not to suffer.
the papper said something like: in order to let someone else in your heart, you must first let yourself in.
and that night that just looped in my head for a short.
and i dont know why.
well i guess i should goto bed and hope somehow we wont have to give up the online and phone our only way to talk to freinds and family, because someone dont want us to keep it but no names.
<3
