Some of you may know that I've been having bad dreams concerning my ex, Liz. Bad dreams. Like her needing help, or that she's in trouble, or that I'm too late, or I never found her. I've also had decent dreams. Dreams of us just talking, and I do mean talking, not typing online. She's from England, which is why that was important. No, weren't back together in the dream either.
I've always told people when I dream of them, especially if it's a bad one. Only exceptions are, of course, the intimate dreams which are privy only to the dreamer and the Sandman. Or your significant other if it is the significant other you dreamt of.
In any event, I've been looking for her. She hasn't been on any of my buddy lists. None of our mutual friends knew where she was, or even how she was, so for a long while I was in the dark. I didn't even know if she was still alive.
I've asked around after her, making sure my closer friends kept their eyes peeled in case she popped up. This search started back in October '05, and finally it bore fruit. We found her LiveJournal. She's alive.
The moment I saw the link to her LiveJournal, it was like this huge weight suddenly fell off me. I couldn't explain the entire sensation, but it felt like my head was light, and I couldn't help but smile. That she was alive, and not only that, but she was also happy, and well.
I was so glad that I thought I might cry, and I'm at work right now (yes, this all happened just about an hour ago). I don't know what it all means, and I don't want to even tread down memory road. All the memories were too good, and it would probably kill me. Strange as it was, I was in love with this girl to the point that I saw myself living with her, and with <i>our</i> children. Can you believe that? All my net relationships have been great, and I cherish them all. Two of them stood out; one where the relationship ended fairly well, and it blossomed into a beautiful friendship. She's been so good to me, and she'll always have a special place in my heart, that one.
Then there's Liz. It didn't end well, and it did involve another guy who was closer to her home. Am I over her? Am I still going through the "what ifs" and "what could've beens"? This one didn't bloom into a great friendship...and yes, I will contact her. I'm impulsive and stupid like that.
I've always told people when I dream of them, especially if it's a bad one. Only exceptions are, of course, the intimate dreams which are privy only to the dreamer and the Sandman. Or your significant other if it is the significant other you dreamt of.
In any event, I've been looking for her. She hasn't been on any of my buddy lists. None of our mutual friends knew where she was, or even how she was, so for a long while I was in the dark. I didn't even know if she was still alive.
I've asked around after her, making sure my closer friends kept their eyes peeled in case she popped up. This search started back in October '05, and finally it bore fruit. We found her LiveJournal. She's alive.
The moment I saw the link to her LiveJournal, it was like this huge weight suddenly fell off me. I couldn't explain the entire sensation, but it felt like my head was light, and I couldn't help but smile. That she was alive, and not only that, but she was also happy, and well.
I was so glad that I thought I might cry, and I'm at work right now (yes, this all happened just about an hour ago). I don't know what it all means, and I don't want to even tread down memory road. All the memories were too good, and it would probably kill me. Strange as it was, I was in love with this girl to the point that I saw myself living with her, and with <i>our</i> children. Can you believe that? All my net relationships have been great, and I cherish them all. Two of them stood out; one where the relationship ended fairly well, and it blossomed into a beautiful friendship. She's been so good to me, and she'll always have a special place in my heart, that one.
Then there's Liz. It didn't end well, and it did involve another guy who was closer to her home. Am I over her? Am I still going through the "what ifs" and "what could've beens"? This one didn't bloom into a great friendship...and yes, I will contact her. I'm impulsive and stupid like that.
Anyway *hugs you* relationships... *sighs* we can't live with or without them it seems.
<3
